Ikea: Flat-pack hell for the masses!

So, the “ole lady” and me went to Ikea at the weekend. It should come with a bank manager’s health warning.

I had merely agreed to go to the aforementioned retail store, with the intention of spending about 50 or 60 bones. As you have probably already guessed, things went horribly wrong. As we walked round a grey path complete with arrows to ensure that you don’t get any ideas about breaking from the herd. The corral leads you round mocked up show rooms, which paint a vivid dream of how your home could look, just in case you had any plans of using some artistic license to decorate your home. From there you descend into the belly of the beast, where you are armed with a trolley, which might I add, won’t be long filling with a plethora of crap you could probably live without.

After walking for what seemed to be an eternity in itself, we finally reached the checkout. Looking back, I think I will be bringing a flag to plant at the checkout should I ever decided to return. It isn’t long before the £60 I had planned to spend, sees me walking away with a receipt for £150 and if you thought that the trauma of overshooting my budged is finally behind me you would be wrong. My skills of quantity surveying aren’t long in returning an answer that no taxi driver in Belfast is going to be prepared to load my newly acquired shit into their car. So we are press-ganged into making use of their delivery service, which according to Ikea will deliver the bulky items to our house for a “reasonable fee”.

Twenty-five fucking pounds!!! I must have missed the memo that decided £25 was reasonable! Anyway, rather than dwell on the effin £25 delivery fee, which if you haven’t realised yet, is not fuckin’ reasonable, I will begrudgingly move on to conclude this bleak little episode.

If anyone ever suggests going to Ikea again, I think I will just commit suicide instead. Although admittedly, I may need to look through the Ikea catalogue and buy a flat pack guillotine. At least I don’t have to worry about how I am going to get it home, because Ikea will deliver it for a “reasonable fee”.